21 going on 100

Hey y’all.

So…my birthday is coming up in less than 2 weeks and I realized that I am 21 going on 100 (not 22). Seriously! My best friend is a pipe smoking, elbow-patched tweed and fedora wearing 24 year old, so that doesn’t help. I don’t smoke, but I do have a cat. I mean just the other day my shopping list included: Sensodine toothpaste, fresh baked bread for my afternoon tea, a small liver pate for the said bread, cat food and some oatmeal. All I was missing from really being 100 is some denture cleaning tablets and protective pads in-case I pee myself a little when I struggle to get up off my couch. Honestly…it’s slightly depressing! If you throw in my slippers, the fact that I always complain about people/society, listen to audio-books at times, need a portable heater because I get cold easily, warm my feet in hot water baths, and drink hot tea constantly…then I am one sad sounding 20-something year old. Oh, lets not forget the crazy amounts of recipes I’ve collected (and still collecting more), several tomes of classic French cooking, and that I am always complaining about drafts and breezes. Yikes not even my two tattoos will save me from being geezer-esque! No wonder I’m single…

Onward!

I realized that a show can really reach you deep down after I finished Scrubs a few months ago…yeah I know, gross squishy content. But it really can! Scrubs was quite a special show it had it all comedy, love, it had hate…it had life wrapped up in 8 fantastic seasons. After watching it…all i could think about is how well it eventually played out for the characters. I only wish life was that way…and in many cases it is, but we are too busy drowning out the good by listening too closely to all the bad.

We really do underestimate the power we have on people around us. Words, actions, even looks we give people can either help someone or hurt them. That’s a big deal. Most of us never realize that every act of kindness or cruelty comes back to us in ways we never expected it to. We all worry about what other people think…that’s normal…but sometimes the right thing to do is to not give a damn about what anyone but you thinks. Believe it or not, there are situations that are better dealt with using your own discretion. Do what makes you happy, to hell with everyone else.

No matter how much I wish things in my life went the way I wanted and heck even prayed to the lions down in Africa for them to end up a certain way…and they didn’t. I was left with a bitter sadness and I always knew that no matter how much you want something to be different, sometimes there just isn’t a thing on this green earth that can shift it for the better. The truth is, that most times we don’t really get any good with the bad…but the good normally follows soon after that bad, we just don’t realize it most of the time.

I am not a super cheerful person, heck I’m a downright pessimistic lump some days (it’s not an act to gain a “tough” rep or something either, it’s real). Most of that comes from being a realist…I don’t believe that just because I wished on a penny and threw it into a fountain I am bound to have a chance with that wish, no. Life isn’t a movie. But life is special. We all get chances, make choices, and heck sometimes we even shoot ourselves in the foot (figuratively speaking, or for some crazies, literally)…however even with all the wrong choices, bad decisions, and self sabotage…each day when we wake up we have the chance to fix it all and then go ahead and start making new choices/decisions and learning all over again. That never changes.
When it comes down to it, everyone goes through life their own way…but at the end of the day all that matters is that you have the select few people who give enough of a damn to stick around the entire bumpy ride.

*gag* Sorry that was too emotional for me…but that doesn’t make it untrue. In fact it makes it so true that it made me gag.

Now, go be filled with little warm fuzzies of happiness and have a great week!

I’m off to have my cup of tea and do a tad of cleaning before I head out to the night market here in my town, it’s my second time going there…my last visit when I was too young to remember much, so I’m excited!

 

shitty ideas

Meteor Shower Of Thoughts

Hey y’all.

Apparently there was supposed to be a meteor shower tonight, so I was just outside for a good hour looking at the sky, listening to the silence of the night and talking to my heart trying to explain why I feel how I do lately; sometimes I catch myself wondering what might have been different in my life if certain things happened or didn’t happen, what if I had done things I didn’t do and not done somethings I did do…I know, it’s pointless the past is the past and you can’t change it but history is bound to repeat itself unless we learn from it. So I kept talking to my heart trying to really listen to what it is trying to tell me because, I usually only listen to my brain-it’s proven more effective in life. However…I miss hearing from my heart. It has become so drowned out by my logic and so detached from my everyday life that I almost begin to feel like what I imagine a man feels like when he manages a large company. Full steam ahead, logic and reasoning over any ounce of emotion, strict and calculated movements…that’s because in the past I was like every other woman-cheerful, vivacious, emotionally in-tune with myself and responded to things in a way that isn’t so…reserved. They were good days but had some serious down falls. For example that lead me to one of my (now ex) boyfriends, the relationship we had and then the on and off period after the break-up happened and other things which have caused me to tell my emotions and heart to take a hike until further notice. Well tonight, as I was sitting there I allowed my heart to speak…everything became so clear, I heard what my heart was telling me, I understood it and funny enough…this time around my heart and my head are perfectly in sync. They agree. It’s amazing what being alone in silence and without a single distraction can help you understand about yourself. I think we could all benefit from these moments once in a while. Sadly…I didn’t see any meteors tonight, we have too much light pollution here in the city. God I miss the country…a velvet sky crammed full of stars as bright as diamonds and the fresh air that is so uncontaminated compared to the city it’s almost sweet. Summer nights laying in the bed of a pick-up truck or on a blanket, bonfire a few feet away…that’s what life is about, it’s about the people, the universe, enjoying nature and a good song in the background of it all; it’s not about sleek high rises in the middle of down-town full of expensive modern “art”, clubs with music so tasteless and obnoxious it makes your head hurt, and definitely not about how many times you’ve gone to a tanning salon this month. I know it’s idealistic of me to say that, maybe, but then again…is it really that off-the-wall these days to believe that the world is about more than just what’s under our spoiled noses? There are people out there who are so spoiled they allow themselves to give in to their moods and allow themselves the freedom of just being how they are and doing whatever they want to do without any concern for other’s and put no effort at all for being pleasant or concerned with someone else other than themselves. They expect to be understood and forgiven almost instantly with a simple remark of “I’m having a bad day” and “sorry for being a dick but that’s just what today is gonna be like, you don’t wanna be around you can get outta my face just so you know though, I am making no effort” embedded in their tone or straight up said. Honestly…what kind of world are we coming to if that’s how so many people I have encountered act? I don’t think only the air is polluted in big cities, I think the majority of the people are also polluted. It’s alarming to think that I am surrounded by cold, uncaring, callous, impassive, and not genuine people.

You know, a little while ago…someone told me I look like Megan Fox…I thought to myself “is this really what’s considered a compliment these days” ? Do people really like hearing they look like a celebrity because that is what defines their ideas of beauty? I much rather that person had just said “you look lovely today” or “Nice necklace!” than comparing me to someone in order to gauge how pleasant I am to look at. I don’t even look remotely like her! Nor would I want to, I like to look like myself.

After tonight, I don’t know what I’ll change about my life, maybe nothing quite yet. However, I now utterly understand what I want out of this life and how I want to live my years on this planet. I know more clearly what kind of people I want beside me, as well as those I don’t and I know what I need to alter about myself to make myself better because we should never stop growing and bettering ourselves. This kind of thing doesn’t happen very often, in fact so rarely that I don’t remember the last time I actually took the time to listen and understand myself in all entirety. I think I might start giving myself time for self-reflection and world reflections every once in a while, it feels good to have time to be alone with your thoughts and raw emotions once in a blue moon… just as long as it’s done with self-control, no one needs to immerse themselves too deeply otherwise it can get a little dangerous.

Hmm well this turned into the rantings of a mad woman but doesn’t mean it ain’t all true, at least to me. Sorry, this post got a little long! Anyway, feel free to leave feedback y’all! I love reading what my readers have to say! But for now, I bid y’all a good night 🙂